So I'm watching President-Elect Obama's attorney general nominee Eric Holder as he is questioned by congress for the red-tape hearing before he's officially approved. As I continue to peruse MSNBC's coverage, a few things occur to me:
Holder says he intends to, "adhere to the principles and precepts of the U.S. constitution."
Whew, that's reassuring.
Not to start the criticisms before the Obama administration even takes charge, but isn't upholding the U.S. constitution the minimum of what the USAG is supposed to do?
Secondly, despite Holder's claims that "no one is above the law", he indicated that he likely would not pursue prosecuting anyone from the Bush administration, even though he claims that waterboarding is illegal and the Bush administration has admitted to employing waterboarding. Sounds like cognitive dissonance to me. Holder intimated that these matters of "policy" are not something that he is willing to investigate.
Finally - and this is hardly a revelation - but the confirmation process is a bizarre piece of theater run by tiny little prick puppets in blue suits with lame haircuts, just like everything in the United States political arena. They might as well be wearing powdered wigs.
Somehow, this country is run by elected officials who are nothing like me and you. Look at these people. Who cuts their hair like that? It's not that they have to have "cool" haircuts or dress like hipsters, but a little modernity might help. Would any of you want to have a beer with these schmucks? I certainly wouldn't. And yet, we are responsible for electing these dorks.
It's not a fashion thing. It's a CLASS thing. We're living in an aristocracy, people.
Have a good day!
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
My Interpretation of The Soprano's Finale (Hardly) Confirmed as (Possibly) True!
FYI, this is exactly how I interpreted the ending of The Sopranos. This is newsworthy?
via imdb:
via imdb:
The Sopranos star Michael Imperioli is convinced he has unearthed the secret behind the show's dramatic ending - Tony Soprano is dead.
The long-running mob drama came to an unspectacular end in 2007 - the screen fading to black as James Gandolfini's Soprano dined with his wife and children.
But Imperioli, whose character Christopher Moltisanti was killed off in the last season, insists there's more to the finale than meets the eye.
He says, "I think he's dead. That's what happens when it goes black, right?"
Monday, January 05, 2009
LIVE BLOGGING MY UNEMPLOYMENT!!!
A lot of people in television get all 'creative' when they go on hiatus: they polish a screenplay, start a new project, start a screenplay, take a class, take a screenwriting class. Since I'm not on hiatus and was instead 'gently let-go', I have endeavored to document my first day of joblessness:
6:40 AM - awoke, somewhat reluctantly
7:45 AM - 8:04 AM - filled out necessary unemployment paperwork online, bristled at the notion that I could be rejected
8:05 AM - 8:26 AM - brooded
8:27 AM - 8:45 AM - brooded (in bed)
8:46 AM - considered masturbating
??? AM- 10:50AM - napped.
10:58 AM - 11:40 AM - took dog for walk around the park, noted the increasing greenness of each subsequent bowel movement (the dog's, not mine)
11:55 AM - 12:01 PM - dog barked periodically; advised him to "shut it"
12:05 PM- 12:20PM - attempted to complete some Madden Moments; turned game off in disgust because the Dolphins receivers can't catch for shit (and the Dolphins still beat the Broncos this year).
12;25 PM - began preparing lunch (veggie masala burger on naan bread with hummus, jack cheese and mango ginger chutney)
12:46 PM - pondered whether dishes in dishwasher were clean or dirty
12:47 PM - consulted girlfriend (via Gchat) about dishes. Verdict: clean
12:51 PM - GODDAMMIT!!! burned my naan bread and dropped my masala burger patty on the dirty-ass kitchen floor. Shit!
12:56 PM - enjoyed soiled masala burger anyway
1:06 PM - picked surprisingly minimal hairs out of my teeth transferred to mouth via masala burger (mostly of cat origin)
2:27 PM - pondered whether or not it was too early to drink a beer
3:14 PM - drove to Target
3:32 PM - briefly flirted with the notion of asking for a job application at said Target
4:01 PM - returned home to find dog had gotten into the cat litter and ate cat shit...on my bed spread; ignored dog's entreaties for attention as punishment
4:21 PM - realized that I put corn chips in fridge, hummus in pantry; discovered leftover Robek's smoothie from previous day.
4:21 PM - 4:26 PM - enjoyed leftover smoothie
4:59 PM - began self-flagellation for not going to the gym today
5:00 PM - workday, self-flagellation ended.
6:40 AM - awoke, somewhat reluctantly
7:45 AM - 8:04 AM - filled out necessary unemployment paperwork online, bristled at the notion that I could be rejected
8:05 AM - 8:26 AM - brooded
8:27 AM - 8:45 AM - brooded (in bed)
8:46 AM - considered masturbating
??? AM- 10:50AM - napped.
10:58 AM - 11:40 AM - took dog for walk around the park, noted the increasing greenness of each subsequent bowel movement (the dog's, not mine)
11:55 AM - 12:01 PM - dog barked periodically; advised him to "shut it"
12:05 PM- 12:20PM - attempted to complete some Madden Moments; turned game off in disgust because the Dolphins receivers can't catch for shit (and the Dolphins still beat the Broncos this year).
12;25 PM - began preparing lunch (veggie masala burger on naan bread with hummus, jack cheese and mango ginger chutney)
12:46 PM - pondered whether dishes in dishwasher were clean or dirty
12:47 PM - consulted girlfriend (via Gchat) about dishes. Verdict: clean
12:51 PM - GODDAMMIT!!! burned my naan bread and dropped my masala burger patty on the dirty-ass kitchen floor. Shit!
12:56 PM - enjoyed soiled masala burger anyway
1:06 PM - picked surprisingly minimal hairs out of my teeth transferred to mouth via masala burger (mostly of cat origin)
2:27 PM - pondered whether or not it was too early to drink a beer
3:14 PM - drove to Target
3:32 PM - briefly flirted with the notion of asking for a job application at said Target
4:01 PM - returned home to find dog had gotten into the cat litter and ate cat shit...on my bed spread; ignored dog's entreaties for attention as punishment
4:21 PM - realized that I put corn chips in fridge, hummus in pantry; discovered leftover Robek's smoothie from previous day.
4:21 PM - 4:26 PM - enjoyed leftover smoothie
4:59 PM - began self-flagellation for not going to the gym today
5:00 PM - workday, self-flagellation ended.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
If You Can't Find Me, I Probably Left
I hate leaving.
Actually, hate is a pretty strong word, so allow me to rephrase: I fucking loathe leaving. It's not that I'm so sentimental that it's hard for me to say good-bye. Saying good-bye is easy if everybody lets you off the hook and you're able to just say, 'well, I'm off, bye.' But it's never that simple. Everybody wants to hug and shake hands and prolong the leaving moment as long as possible.
It's the awkward preamble to saying good-bye to people that I try to avoid most. I generally put people into two categories in regards to leaving: people I hug and people I don't. Nothing's more awkward than having to give or receive a hug because of the fear of someone feeling left out. I hereby give permission for you to not hug me when I leave if you don't want to. I won't take it personally. Just don't expect a hug from me and we're fine.
I'm the kind of guy who'd rather not go to a party just because I don't want to go through all of the drama of leaving. Sometimes I get the feeling that I have to get permission to leave. And there's always somebody who seems disappointed to by your departure. Why is that?
Even weirder than the weirdness that leaving implies is how weird I am about just trying to disappear myself. I've been known to vanish from places if I don't have the energy to say good-bye. I acknowledge that this is strange behavior. It's one of the few eccentricities I allow myself nowadays. The next day or even right when I get home, I will inevitably have to sort through numerous text messages and voice mails inquiring, "where did you go?".
I was drunk so I took off. Don't take it personally.
Actually, hate is a pretty strong word, so allow me to rephrase: I fucking loathe leaving. It's not that I'm so sentimental that it's hard for me to say good-bye. Saying good-bye is easy if everybody lets you off the hook and you're able to just say, 'well, I'm off, bye.' But it's never that simple. Everybody wants to hug and shake hands and prolong the leaving moment as long as possible.
It's the awkward preamble to saying good-bye to people that I try to avoid most. I generally put people into two categories in regards to leaving: people I hug and people I don't. Nothing's more awkward than having to give or receive a hug because of the fear of someone feeling left out. I hereby give permission for you to not hug me when I leave if you don't want to. I won't take it personally. Just don't expect a hug from me and we're fine.
I'm the kind of guy who'd rather not go to a party just because I don't want to go through all of the drama of leaving. Sometimes I get the feeling that I have to get permission to leave. And there's always somebody who seems disappointed to by your departure. Why is that?
Even weirder than the weirdness that leaving implies is how weird I am about just trying to disappear myself. I've been known to vanish from places if I don't have the energy to say good-bye. I acknowledge that this is strange behavior. It's one of the few eccentricities I allow myself nowadays. The next day or even right when I get home, I will inevitably have to sort through numerous text messages and voice mails inquiring, "where did you go?".
I was drunk so I took off. Don't take it personally.
Wednesday, August 06, 2008
Everybody's A Failed Something
Things at which I am a failure:
- Professional football, baseball and basketball
- Lawyerin'
- Comic book writing
- Self-publishing
- Careerism
- Friendship
- Minstrelsy
- Poetry
- Acting
- Directing
- Screenwriting
- Table tennis (colloquially known as 'ping pong')
- Foosball
- Advertising copywriting
- Plant care
- unpacking my apartment in a timely fashion
- dish-doing
- cold-calling
- caring about stuff that I don't care about, but should
- dressing well
- acting my age/aging my act
- job interviews
- dating
- drawing class
- registering to legally operate a motor vehicle in the state of California
- forwarding my mail
- eating healthy
- not drinking so much god damned beer all the time
- exercising regularly
- completing this list
Monday, August 04, 2008
Top 10 (or so) Most Obvious Signs That You Are an Alcoholic
1.) You frequently attend AA meetings and are currently engaged in a twelve step program in an effort to accept sobriety as a way of life...hilarious!
2.) You have been charged with a number of moving violations while intoxicated, but none of them stem from driving a car.
3.) You overhear one of your many, many illegitimate children(s) quietly inquire, "Mommy, is daddy an alcoholic?" She softly responds, "Yes...the worst kind," then turns to the window, tears streaming down her face. AAAAND SCENE!
7.) You just blacked out for numbers 4, 5, and 6 of this list.
8.) You pass out in a different place every night - thousands of miles apart - but somehow manage to stumble all the way home each morning.
9.) Your favorite flavor of mouthwash is vomit.
10.) You don't do anything without getting drunk. And you don't do anything in the first place. And you're always drunk while not doing it.
11.) Because you think that if it goes to eleven, it's somehow funny. You have a shameless need to reference obvious jokes from 80's cult movies and you drink copious amounts of alcohol while doing so.
2.) You have been charged with a number of moving violations while intoxicated, but none of them stem from driving a car.
3.) You overhear one of your many, many illegitimate children(s) quietly inquire, "Mommy, is daddy an alcoholic?" She softly responds, "Yes...the worst kind," then turns to the window, tears streaming down her face. AAAAND SCENE!
7.) You just blacked out for numbers 4, 5, and 6 of this list.
8.) You pass out in a different place every night - thousands of miles apart - but somehow manage to stumble all the way home each morning.
9.) Your favorite flavor of mouthwash is vomit.
10.) You don't do anything without getting drunk. And you don't do anything in the first place. And you're always drunk while not doing it.
11.) Because you think that if it goes to eleven, it's somehow funny. You have a shameless need to reference obvious jokes from 80's cult movies and you drink copious amounts of alcohol while doing so.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Current Event(s) Blogworthy!
If a current event has been deemed blogworthy by blogistes the world over, it should be anticipated that the event will be widely reported and analyzed, commented and postulated upon, until such a time as the event is effectively rendered dead by repeated and merciless flogging, (hereafter known as 'blogging a dead horse' - ha!)
In the event that the...event is somehow tangentially related to some other such event by mitigating circumstances (wild speculation, imaginative association) said event will be granted a new life by virtue of its specious relation to the second event. More than two interrelated events construes evidence that a greater "series of events" are unfolding and this "series" may breathe new life once again into the original event by giving it an entirely different context and relevance to other such events.
Should these collective events be deemed to have "a life of its own" by the blogging public responsible for giving it life, it will receive wide coverage from national media publications, who will then grant the event constant permeative exposure. The original event and all subsequent and corresponding events will receive much scrutiny by way of comparison/contrast, id-itorializing, and excessive unnecessary personalization by and for so-called pundits. In this manner, the event has now evolved into what is commonly known as a "scandal". It is crucial at this point that as much hyperbolistic-holier-than-thou-righteous-indignation and moral relativism as possible be summoned and practiced in exploring (judging) the root cause of the scandal.
Thusly follows the most important aspect in analysis of the scandal and that is the formulation of a blame paradigm in which the most enfeebled, defenseless and publicly humiliated participant is fingered as the most blameworthy and should then have the weight of responsibility thrown on him or her. It is not uncommon for any number of bizarre fantasy punishments to be offered by the aforementioned pundits or a special class of morally superior citizens known as "irate viewers" as discipline for this person's shameless depravity in participation of the scandal.
The participants of the original events, now chastened and systematically "scandalized" by constant public scrutiny, should be left alone to contemplate suicide in favor of other events that may or may not be developing into a scandal. Or, more likely, the media will self-reflexively blame "the media" (this is when the media refers to "the media", which is clearly not the media heretofore under discussion, but some other media to which no media ever belongs) for sensationalizing such a scandal and will disavow any connection or responsibility in publicizing scandals in the first place by tsk-tsking other "less respectable" media types for reporting on it.
In the event that the...event is somehow tangentially related to some other such event by mitigating circumstances (wild speculation, imaginative association) said event will be granted a new life by virtue of its specious relation to the second event. More than two interrelated events construes evidence that a greater "series of events" are unfolding and this "series" may breathe new life once again into the original event by giving it an entirely different context and relevance to other such events.
Should these collective events be deemed to have "a life of its own" by the blogging public responsible for giving it life, it will receive wide coverage from national media publications, who will then grant the event constant permeative exposure. The original event and all subsequent and corresponding events will receive much scrutiny by way of comparison/contrast, id-itorializing, and excessive unnecessary personalization by and for so-called pundits. In this manner, the event has now evolved into what is commonly known as a "scandal". It is crucial at this point that as much hyperbolistic-holier-than-thou-righteous-indignation and moral relativism as possible be summoned and practiced in exploring (judging) the root cause of the scandal.
Thusly follows the most important aspect in analysis of the scandal and that is the formulation of a blame paradigm in which the most enfeebled, defenseless and publicly humiliated participant is fingered as the most blameworthy and should then have the weight of responsibility thrown on him or her. It is not uncommon for any number of bizarre fantasy punishments to be offered by the aforementioned pundits or a special class of morally superior citizens known as "irate viewers" as discipline for this person's shameless depravity in participation of the scandal.
The participants of the original events, now chastened and systematically "scandalized" by constant public scrutiny, should be left alone to contemplate suicide in favor of other events that may or may not be developing into a scandal. Or, more likely, the media will self-reflexively blame "the media" (this is when the media refers to "the media", which is clearly not the media heretofore under discussion, but some other media to which no media ever belongs) for sensationalizing such a scandal and will disavow any connection or responsibility in publicizing scandals in the first place by tsk-tsking other "less respectable" media types for reporting on it.
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